So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
