Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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