Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize