You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
