at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
