ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize