im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
COCAINE IS GR8
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
