WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
