I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
