we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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