Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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