if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
