Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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