what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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