when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
