We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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