Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
