Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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