this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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