I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
