I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
