I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ketchup is God's man juice
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
