I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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