he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
