Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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