she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
