Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
