I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
