Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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