I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
