It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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