It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
