Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
