Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
