How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
