I've blown a few things in my day
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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