I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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