I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
bring money and cleavage
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
