And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize