I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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