sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
