i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize