filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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