Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
