I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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