hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
