Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
