im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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