Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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