Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
