There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
