Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
