Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
