Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
