I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
did you just send me my own nude
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize