Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
