I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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