went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
