Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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