i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
