I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
