I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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