I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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