I wannas sexs uuuuu
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
