I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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