Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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