i was born a porn star she said
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
