I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
