Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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