why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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