Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
