You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
