So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
