Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
