I want to have your abortion
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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