He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Randomize
