everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
