Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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