Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
