So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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