she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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