i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
