Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
