I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
