went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
