You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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