first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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