i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
