Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
