I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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