So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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