Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
