when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
