If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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