I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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