just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
