I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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