waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize