I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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