Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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