I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
