no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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