Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
