Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
